Wednesday, November 12, 2008

When I awoke this morning from a deep sleep, I thought to myself this is going to be a good day, just wait and see, ha like the song goes. Little did I know my emotions were going to get the best of me and hit me like a rock. Before this though I had some coffee and decided to check all of my on-line stuff and I came across the new Will I Am, "Yes We Can" video on you tube. I must say I loved it. I loved how the song was written using Obama's exact words from all of his great speech's. The video is worth watching. The power of change, the hope, we are one people, we are one nation under God and yes we can!!! We all need to walk the line and know that this new great president is walking with us!

As I was watching the video, hubby asked "why are you up so early? Maybe you should go back to bed." I said "Nahh, well maybe I'll take a nap today". As he rushed off to work he gave me a sweet gentle kiss and said well baby, I am worried about you and you need your sleep.
I new full well, a nap was not going to happen as I have so much weighing on my mind.

All I could do was look at the clock waiting for the time to hurry up and pass. I wanted to call my mom and hear her voice, but new it was way to early to call her. As it is, she never gets a good nights rest, due to her nerve damage and Fibromyalgia. Not to mention her emotional state that has come to pass, because of the unfortunate loss of her child, my brother. She is very fragile right now and I am just so worried about my mother and to see her in this much pain just devastates me to the fullest degree. My poor mom is in extreme pain over the loss of her beloved son. She is suffering with no end, on top of her sickness, and all of her grief, she is dealing with some other things that I am not going to even go there, here on this blog. But those who know us, know what I am talking about. I am just heart broken over the loss of my brother and for the pain my mom is going through. For the pain in her heart and her heart that was once whole is now broken.

When I did finally get to talk with her right before noon, she seemed very groggy and I could hear the cracking in her voice and I could tell she had just got threw crying. We didn't get to chat very long. She said she wasn't feeling well and that her stomach hurt and that she felt like throwing up. She said she needed to lay down. I told her I would call her later to check up on her which I did, but she didn't answer her phones. I was so worried , but new she didn't feel like talking with anyone right now. I know how she feels, I get like that too. Since losing my brother there are days where I just can't get out of bed really. But I know I have to for my husband and children. I just do what I got to do and just don't move from my bed or the couch, because I think after the loss of my brother I fell into this sadness that I can't shake. I can not come to grips with his death and sometimes I just want to close off the world and just scream. Some days are not that extreme though thank goodness. I know my brother is in a better place now and i do have peace in knowing this. There is a lot more I can go on about, about how I feel. But I save that for his memorial page. My new blog is not the place to go into so much detail. I feel like I have already said too much.

My wonderful friend Krimsin gave me a ring today and shared with me her thoughts on some important stuff that I needed to hear. She is a wonderful friend and a blessing in my life. Thank you Krimmy!

So tomorrow is my official day at Ulta Beauty! Now I have something to be happy about. I haven't worked outside my home though since right before I was preggers with Victoria. So it is going to be an adventure to say the least! I did go to the holiday meeting this passed Sunday and it was great. The girls there were all very nice and welcoming. It is going to be nice to meet new people and venture out into the world of makeup, beauty, and making people feel fabulous again. I sure have missed it! I feel like makeup application is a true art form. I am an artist with my brush, applying makeup to enhance the beauty of women! And I think that is a wonderful thing.

Well now I need my beauty sleep! I should have blogged earlier as I had planned on going into great detail about my new job, let you all know a little more about myself for the new friends that have visited me today here on AUGV. But as it is, I am one sleepy mama! Thank you to all of those who paid my blog a visit.

Hugs, Love, and Light,

1 comment:

Hopefulsap said...

Hugs Ang... I've been sending energy to you and your family... I'll concentrate more so on just you and your mom... Please know I think about you all, all the time. Honestly. You're in my heart and prayers...

Congratulations on your new job! I'm so excited for you girl!!! :)